car stories

[Captain Triggers]

Based on the aviation stories thread here is a chance to tell some of your motoring related stories 

[Kenneth ONeill]

Not something that happened to me or even that I did, but a "how did he do that?"

I was driving South on the A87 in Skye, just leaving Broadford and going onto the 40mph section. On my left there was a drainage ditch about 6 feet deep and the same wide, and straddling it with the front wheels on the road side and the rears on the field side was a police car, with no visible damage!!

[Braille Dave]

Can I put in a couple of aviation related car (vehicle) stories?

 

[Captain Triggers]

Can I put in a couple of aviation related car (vehicle) stories?

 

yes!

[Braille Dave]

Right!

Luton Airport in the late seventies.

Definitions: 'Ramp'- Colloquial term for an aircraft parking area. Originally came from Croydon aerodrome where the parking area was up a concrete ramp from the grass runway.

Backround: For a long while Luton's ramp was a U- shape, with the terminal stands down one-leg and the hanger stands down the other. In front of the stands ran a marked out road. At the base of the 'U' slightly off to one side was a security gate.

Now, this story takes place one quiet, cold, winters night:

 

'Twas the night before poets day, when all through the airport

Not a creature was stirring, Not even a security guard. 

The signs were hung by the gate with care

In hopes that the sandman would soon be there.

 

The guards were nestled all snug in their pits,

While visions of pints danced in their heads.

And baggage in her hat, and I in my cap, 

Had just settled our brains for a long nightshift nap.

 

When out on the ramp there arose such a clatter

I sprang from my pit to see what was the matter.

Away to the window I flew like a hind,

Tore open the shutters and threw up the blind.

 

The moon on the breast of the icy road

Gave the lustre of midday to objects below.

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,

But a minivan, upside down and stuck in the gate.

 

With a little ramp agent so sweary and dire,

I knew in a moment it must be Nick,

More rapid than eagles he had drove,

And he swore, and shouted and called them rude names.

 

"Now The buggers haven't iced the road, come on help me turn it over 

before anyone knows, quick to the van and over it goes."

 

And then, in a twinkling, I heard in the cabin

The swearing and shouting of each little guard.

As I drew in my head, and was looking around,

Out came a guard, and came with a bound.

 

He was dressed all in blue, from his head to his foot,

And his clothes were all tarnished with tea and dust.

A rude epiphet was flung from his mouth,

and he looked like a tramp just coming out of his hide.

 

His eyes- how they glimmered! His dimples how grim,

His angry mouth was open like a bow,

And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow.

 

The stump of a pipe he held in his teeth,

the bowl in his hand, the smoke circling like a wreath,

He had a broad face and a little round belly,

That shook when he shouted, like bowlful of jelly!

 

He spoke not anymore, but went straight round his hut,

And looked and glared, then turned and with a jerk.

Gave us all the finger, as well as an oath.

And turned and went back into his hut.